christylynn
My fiance and I have been engaged for 2 years. Just lately this year he has changed. He said he believes in the greater good, he wants to do something that means something, something he will be remembered for and him not doing that is making him a very miserable person and it really is. He is never happy anymore, everything is an argument. He tells me I am simple minded and a peasant for thinking the way I do. I respect his views I really do. I don't really understand it but I respect it. Shouldn't he respect mine? He is beginning to become hard to live with, I do everything for him and all he does is play a video game all day. He says he will never be happy until he does whatever to be remembered but he's making me miserable with him. What can I do? What do I do? I love him to death, I mean he's my fiance and I want nothing more then to spend the rest of my life with him. On Valentines Day he gave me presents and I gave him his and then he got on the computer to play his game. All I wanted was some time with him and he didn't want to spend it with me. Have I just just became routine for him?

The world is full of many people who want to do good and nearly all of them accomplish what they feel in their hearts as the best approach. This site is a great example of that because, (speaking for myself), it allows me to maybe make a difference to someone who can build a better life learning from my mistakes and the knowledge I have gained in making them. Maybe he is the same in his concerns and simply can't express it in words as he would like to. I often have this problem as you may be able to tell.

We watch people change all of the time and when that change may become even close to radical, it is cause for concern. If your fiance is only going through a recent change, this is probably temporary. This can be health, financial, extended family concerns, and other related causes, and they are all legitimate ones. There are also martyrs and those like them, (sorry, I am obligated to say it), as well, and even the closest people to them do not realize this until it is too late. This doesn't mean that I think this in your situation, but others will read this stuff too and maybe it will be of some help to them.

In an attempt to be more positive, he sounds as if he's trying to find himself and the reason why he is there. Look at what he may have gone through in his life to get to his current situation. Surely you have inspired him in some way in the past and you seem genuine and willing to help as much as you can. It can sometimes stall and become a form of depression, fear of becoming average or just his need to change the world around him in a more positive way. His comments to you are a little too harsh and you can't base your existence on someone elses opinion, not even his if he's speaking to you this way. If you do, you are hurting yourself and possibly your children in the future. If you pry into his mind too much it may become more obvious and it may even help him discover what he needs to, although, many men do not respond well to this approach.

I can only add that you seem to be doing the best that you can, given the circumstance, but you have very good reason to have concern for him. Only you will know how close you two really are based on your time invested with him and only you will know for sure if you are going down the wrong path or not. These phases come and go often, but adhere to the warning signs you ever-so-slightly touched on in your question. I wish you and him the best of luck now and in the future.

Ask him if he would prefer to be remembered as a video game player or as a selfless human being. Ask the question and then SHUT UP! Your absolute silence, in the face of empty and meaningless responses, will tell him more than the question. He needs to rethink his stated goal.

Even champion video game players aren't remembered. Such fame is fleeting and unremarkable. Achieving Level 35 is meaningless. You need to make him think. Ask the question and then give him silence. This is more likely to make him think than any arguments.

People who strive to do something for which they will be remembered seldom achieve that goal. People are remembered for selfless acts, most often without thinking about being remembered for them.

Seeking fame (remembrance) is totally selfish. So is playing video games when he has a devoted companion desiring his companionship.

Depending on his responses, I would suggest that you might reconsider your dedication to this relationship. Loving him to death may end up killing you (figuratively speaking). If you can help him to widen his vision regarding his goals in life, it may help both of you.

Best of luck.